I have to believe…

Right? Least that’s what I’ve heard before.

I’m Tracy, btw. I decided today was a good day to try my hand at blogging. I’m pretty good at inane rambles in my head so I thought why not try to publish them and let others share in my ridiculousness. Heh.

It’s hot outside again. Not to mention muggy. I need to go run some errands but I’m procrastinating. I’m pretty good at that. I’ve practiced my technique for years. One might even call me a master. I’ll eventually tire of putting it off, or my cats will let me know they’re hungry, and I’ll -have- to go. But for now, I’m happy with putting it off.

Shall I talk further about myself? I guess I should for those of you stumbling through that don’t really know me. I live in east Tennessee. A small town just a bit north of the big metropolis of Knoxville (just a wee bit of sarcasm inserted there). I’m a registered nurse who works in a neonatal intensive care unit. Basically that means I take care of sick and premature babies. I actually used to help manage a level 3, 70 bed unit as a team leader but quickly realized that to maintain my sanity I needed to step down. I’m too nice. That’s a liability in management. Really, it is. Trust me on this one. Anyhoo, I’m now working in a nice 15 bed level 2 unit. We don’t keep anything less than 30 weeks. What’s even better is that I’m just a staff nurse. A mere peon. I -love- it. LOVE, Love, love it. Did I mention I love it? I do. Lots. That was my first love anyway, patient care. I don’t know how I got swindled into going into management for those few years. Actually, I do, but it’s a long story and I’m going to save it and bore you with it later.

Let’s see, what else to ramble on about. I’m the youngest of a large family. I have 6 sisters and one brother. I guess I should decrease that number to 5 sisters. Debbie passed away January of this year. I’m just now coming to grips with that. I had alot of anger and resentment held towards her physician. To be completely honest, I still do. He most likely would not want to meet me on in a dark, lonely alleyway anytime soon. Anyhoo, I also lost my father, but that was in 1996 (still miss him terribly) but my mother is still living and just recently retired at the ripe ol’ age of 76. I was a late in life child. An ‘oops’ I guess. A good ‘oops’ I like to think.

I’m single and in my thirties. I date, but currently I’m tired of dealing with the rat-bastards I’ve had the bad luck in getting involved with. Rat bastards may be a bit too strong of a term, but it sounded good to me. So, right now I’m totally happy just me and me two little ones. Not babies, mind you, but cats. Yeah, I’m well on my way to becoming ‘the old cat lady’. Although I do only have two… for the moment at least. I’m considering getting a kitten. Then I’ll be up to three and can legitimately carry the title of ‘the old cat lady’. Perhaps that’s what I’ll change my nick to. Hmm. It’s worth some thought.

Guess I should add as to why I named my blog I Have to Believe. It’s from a favorite contemporary Christian singer, Rita Springer. It means alot to me. I’ll include the lyrics below. Check out the song if you get the chance. It’s worth the trouble.

Rita Springer
I Have To Believe lyrics

I have to believe
That He sees my darkness
I have to believe
He knows my pain
I have to lift up
My hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare
That He is my refuge
I have to deny
That I am alone
I have to lift up
My eyes to the mountain
It’s where my help comes from

Oh yeah
He said that He’s forever faithful
He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

Oh, I have to stand tall
When the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong
When I’m weak and afraid
I have to grab hold
Ahold of the garments
The garments of praise

I know, I know, I know
Cause He said that He’s forever faithful
And He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

I have to sing praise
When the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains
That bind up my soul
My sin and my shame
He has forgiven and made me whole

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Cause He said that He’s forever faithful
And He said that He’s forever true
He said that He can move mountains
He said that He can move mountains
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

I have to believe
I have to believe
He’s got everything under control
I have to believe
Lord, I believe
Help my unbelief
I have to believe in You
I have to believe